mtg.wtf

{T}: Add one mana of any color. You get two poison counters.

Pledge (Join a two-colored guild if you haven't already this game.)
{T}: Add one mana of your guild's colors.

{T}, Sacrifice Trampled Lotus: Tap up to three lands your opponents control for mana. This ability has splitter second. (It can't be responded to. By, like, anything.)

When Sort of _____ and _____ enters the battlefield, choose two tournament legal cards in the Sword of _____ and _____ cycle at random. This equipment has the first piece of the combat damage trigger of the first chosen one, and the second piece of the combat damage trigger on the second chosen one. (It doesn't grant +2/+2 or protection. Yes, Hearth still returns the creature.)
Equip {2}

At the beginning of your upkeep, put a random card from outside the game into your hand. (In Commander sealed, that's everything you didn't play with. In any other commander game, find a way to select a random Magic card.)
{T}: Add {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}. This mana can't be spent to pay generic mana costs.

This creature enters with two cage counters on it.
This creature can't attack or block as long as it has a cage counter on it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a cage counter from this creature. When the last cage counter is removed this way, destroy target creature an opponent controls.

Mono Eminence — If Auntie Flint is on the battlefield or in the command zone and your deck's color identity is mono-black, creatures you control get +1/+0.
Whenever Auntie Flint attacks, another target creature gains fear until end of turn.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

You can bargain any permanent instead of just artifacts, enchantments, and tokens.
Whenever you cast a spell, if it was bargained, copy that spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.

When Incubation Triformer enters the battlefield, incubate 1.
{3}: Choose target transformed Phyrexian token you control. Transform it into a third side that's a 3/3 Phyrexian Horror artifact creature.

Infect (A creature with infect deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters and to players in the form of poison counters.)
Creatures you control with toxic lose toxic and gain infect.

Creatures you control get +1/+0 and have "At the beginning of your upkeep, this creature deals 1 damage to you."

Ew-minance — When The Gunky Runner enters and at the beginning of the first upkeep in a game where it's your commander, shuffle three Gunk cards into each opponent's library. (Gunk is a colorless sorcery card with no mana cost and cycling {4}.)
Whenever an opponent loses life, they shuffle that many Gunk cards into their library.
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

Target player with exactly seven poison counters loses the game.

Battles you control have "-3: You draw a card and lose 1 life." (Activate by removing three defense counters. You control battles you cast, even if an opponent protects them.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, choose one that hasn't been chosen —
• Buffet — Create three Food tokens.
• See a Show — Create two 2/2 white Performer creature tokens.
• Play Games — Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, discard a card at random, then shuffle.
• Go to Sleep — You lose 15 life. Sacrifice Night Out in Vegas.

Menace, Lifelink, Toxic 2
Quest Compleated Beast can't be blocked by tokens.
Your opponent can't gain life or remove poison counters.
Whenever Quest Compleated Beast deals combat damage to an opponent, it deals that much damage to target battle that player is protecting.

Flying, haste
Whenever Rankle, Master of Pranksters deals combat damage to a player, choose one at random —
• Each player creates a token that's a copy of Glen Elendra Pranksters.
• Each player creates a token that's a copy of Pyretic Prankster.
• Each player creates a token that's a copy of Spiteful Prankster.

When The Magic Bandit deals combat damage to an opponent, exile the top card of that player's library. You may cast that card for as long as it remains exiled, and mana of any type can be spent to cast that spell.
Whenever you cast a spell or play a land you don't own, copy it.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life and draw a card. Then, double the amount of life you lose and cards you draw for the rest of the game from this ability. (This is true even if this leaves the battlefield and returns.)

When The Zassacre Zirl enters the battlefield, if you cast them, destroy target commander an opponent controls. If its owner has two or more commanders, that card stops being a commander.
When another Commander dies, draw a card.

Myojin of Night's Reach and Grim Betrayal enters the battlefield with an indestructible counter on it if you cast it from your hand.
Remove an indestructible counter from Myojin of Night's Reach Grim Betrayal: Each opponent discards their hand. Put onto the battlefield under your control all creature cards in all graveyards that were put there from anywhere this turn.

Choose a scheme and set it into motion —
• Choose Your Demise
• Every Hope Shall Vanish
• Make Yourself Useful

At the beginning of your upkeep, choose one that hasn't been chosen —
• Wake Up! — Return target creature card from a graveyard to its owner's hand.
• VIP Line Access — Search your library for a card, then shuffle and put that card on top.
• Life of the Party — Whenever a spell is cast this turn, you gain 2 life.
• Breakfast at Dawn — Create two Food tokens. Sacrifice this enchantment.

Whenever The Disciple of Vess attacks, you may put a planeswalker card from your hand onto the battlefield. If you don't, create a token that's a copy of a Liliana planeswalker chosen at random.
(There are currently thirteen. Perhaps look up the list and roll a D20?)

As an additional cost to play Banned Eldraine Card, pay {B}, {3}{R}{G}, {3}{R}, {2}, {0}, or {1}{G}. It becomes a copy respectively of Cauldron Familiar, Escape to the Wilds, Fires of Invention, Lucky Clover, Mystic Sanctuary, Once Upon A Time for the rest of the game in all zones. (You can't choose Oko. Because let's be real, nobody wants to play against Oko again.)