mtg.wtf

({T}: Add {U}.)
The Belligerent and Useless Island enter the battlefield tapped.
When The Belligerent and Useless Island deal combat damage to a player or battle, draw a card, then discard a card.
Crew 2

The Magical City, New enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, or {R}. When this mana is spent to cast a legendary spell, put a +1/+1 counter on this land.
{4}: The Magical City, New becomes a 1/1 white, blue, and red Human Artist creature until end of turn.
The Magical City, New can be your Commander. (Commander tax still applies.)

When you play this land for the first time, its name forever becomes a creature type and a noncreature card type of your choice belonging to your first name. (For example, Gavin's Dragon and Sorceries. Make sure to fill in the name so everyone knows where they're shopping.)
{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to cast spells of the chosen types or spells whose names begin with the first letter of your name.

Storm (Pretend it works on a land.)
{T}: Add one mana of any color and lose life equal to the number of barnyards you control.
Channelstorm — {5}, Discard this card: Choose {P} worth of modes equal to the number of spells that have been cast this turn.
{P} — Create a 1/1 white Bird token with flying.
{P}{P} — Create a 2/2 white Horse token with horsemanship.
{P}{P}{P} — Create a 3/3 green Ox token with trample.

{T}: Add {C}. If you're in a city that starts with an A, instead add one mana of any color.

The Goblin Sparring Grounds enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. If this mana is spent to cast a Goblin spell, you get an experience counter.
{B}{R}: Until end of turn, The Goblin Sparring Grounds becomes a Goblin creature in addition to its other types and gains "This creature's power and toughness are each equal to the number of experience counters you have."
The Goblin Sparring Grounds can be your commander.

{2}{R}, {T}: Create a token that's a copy of target creature card in your graveyard, except it's an artifact in addition to its other types, gains haste, and has "Whenever a player casts a spell or a creature attacks, exile this token." Activate only as a sorcery.

When The Bringer of the Red Beard enters, create a red Equipment artifact token named Red Beard with "Equipped creature is red" and equip {1}.
Red creatures you control get +1/+0.
Equipped creatures you control get +1/+0.

(An opponent may attack this battle. When an opponent defeats it, exile it, then return it to the battlefield under their control.)
When this battle enters, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.
{T}: Add {R}.

At the beginning of combat on your turn, choose one —
• Target creature gets +1/+0 and gains haste until end of turn.
• The Wiley Speedster deals 1 damage to any target.
• Create a Treasure token.

Protection from red
When this creature enters, it deals 4 damage to any target and 2 damage to you.
{G}, {T}, Sacrifice this creature: You gain 3 life.

When Mijo enters, create a colorless Equipment artifact token named Rock with "Equipped creature has "{1}, {T}: Sacrifice Rock: This creature deals 2 damage to any target." and equip {1}.
From Downtown — If a source you control would deal exactly 2 damage to a permanent or player, it deals 3 damage instead.

Start your engines!
As long as your speed is 1 or higher, creatures you control have haste. The same is true for speed 2 and higher and trample, speed 3 or higher and first strike, and speed 4 and higher and super haste. (You may put a creature with super haste from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. You may pay its mana cost any time during your next turn. At the beginning of that turn's end step, if you haven't paid its mana cost, you lose the game. Wait. 4 and higher?)

Mono Eminence — If Mzed is on the battlefield or in your command zone and your deck's color identity is mono-red, creatures you control have haste.
At the beginning of your combat step, create a 1/1 red Mercenary creature token with "This creature can't block."
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice The Great Juggernaut unless you discard a card.
Whenever The Great Juggernaut attacks, shuffle your library then exile the top card of your library. You may play that card without paying its mana cost this turn.

At Least It's a Dry Heat deals 1,000,000 damage to target creature. This damage can't be prevented, redirected, cause damage to be dealt to a player (sorry, Stuffy Doll), or be compared to damage dealt by sources on the east coast.

You may spend any type of mana to cast cards that didn't start in your deck.
Whenever The Wheeling Runner deals combat damage to a player, you may discard your hand. If you do, choose four Vintage-legal cards at random. Add those cards to your hand. (The "Random Card" feature on a search site may help.)
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

When Rafi enters and at the beginning of the first upkeep in a game where it's your commander, there's mana burn and combat damage uses the stack for the rest of the game. (If you don't know what that means, ask somebody over 30.)
{R}, Sacrifice Rafi: Each player adds {R}{R}{R}.

At the beginning of each player's end step, Mana Max deals damage to that player equal to the number of untapped lands they control.
Whenever a player loses one or more unspent mana, each of that player's opponents creates a Treasure token.

When this enchantment enters, create a 5x5 grid for as long as it remains on the battlefield. Starting with the top left space and skipping every other space, choose a random creature and put it in the grid. As a creature enters, its controller puts it in an empty space.
Creatures can't block creatures they aren't orthogonally adjacent to.
{1}: Move target creature you control one space left, right, up, or down. Any player may activate this ability.

Trample
When Snapsail Rider enters the battlefield, this match is now worth 6 base points instead of 3. (A player can concede the game at any time, and may want to in response to this ability.)

When Auntie Ant enters, multiblight 4. (Distribute four -1/-1 counters among creatures you control.)
Whenever Auntie Ant attacks, for each creature you control, you may remove a counter from it. Create a 1/1 green Insect creature token for each counter removed this way.

Oildying (When this creature dies, if it had no oil counters on it, return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with an oil counter on it.)
Hound of Urabrask gets +1/+1 for each oil counter on it.
As long as Hound of Urabrask has an oil counter on it, it has double strike.

Flying
Mentor (Whenever this creature attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on target attacking creature with lesser power.)
Whenever one or more +1/+1 counters are put on a creature you control, exile the top card of your library. Until end of turn, you may play that card.

Flying
Whenever a land card is put into a graveyard from anywhere, put two +1/+1 counters on Tragda.
Whenever Tragda attacks, choose one—
• Burn the village — Destroy target land.
• Burn the peasants — Tragda deals 4 damage to target creature.