Unhinged
Pygmy Giant {1}{R}{R}
Creature - Giant
{R}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.
"487. You're welcome."
—Bucky, flavor text writer
—Bucky, flavor text writer
0/2
Red-Hot Hottie {2}{R}{R}
Creature - Elemental
Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."
She was winning the Dominarian "Are You Hot?" competition until disaster struck during the wet T-shirt round.
2/5
Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug {3}{R}
Creature - Slug
Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))
Did you go through all the trouble to unscramble this?
3/1
Sauté {1}{R}{R}
Instant
Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.
"Selecting the proper beeble is the key to a good sauté. The pinker the fur and the heartier the yelp, the more succulent the beeble will be when you pop it in your mouth."
—Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar, The Underworld Cookbook
—Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar, The Underworld Cookbook
Six-y Beast {3}{R}
Creature - Beast
As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.
Is it six?
0/0
Touch and Go {3}{R}
Sorcery
Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.
Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha!"
Touch and Go {3}{R}
Sorcery
Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.
Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha"
Yet Another Aether Vortex {3}{R}{R}
Enchantment
All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.
It puts the "vortex" in "flavortext."
B-I-N-G-O {1}{G}
Creature - Dog
Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
There was a farmer, had a hound . . .
1/1
Creature Guy {3}{G}
Creature - Beast
Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.
There once was a player named Quinn, . . .
3/3
Elvish House Party {4}{G}{G}
Creature - Elf Rogue
Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.
The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight—then all of a sudden it just petered out.
*/*
Fat Ass {4}{G}
Creature - Donkey Shaman
Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)
Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.
2/3½
Form of the Squirrel {G}
Enchantment
As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.
Fraction Jackson {2}{G}
Creature - Human Hero
{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.
Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he'd gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions!
1/1½
Gluetius Maximus {3}{G}{G}
Creature - Beast
As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.
When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.
5/5
Granny's Payback {7}{G}
Sorcery
You gain life equal to your age.
R&D Comments
BB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?
MR (10/10/03): We'll fix it in the flavor text.
BB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?
MR (10/10/03): We'll fix it in the flavor text.
Graphic Violence {2}{G}
Instant
All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.
WARNING: THE DOMINARIAN SURGEON GENERAL HAS FOUND THAT SAVAGE BEATINGS CAN LEAD TO CHUMP BLOCKS, LIFE REDUCTION, AND EVEN GAME LOSS.
Keeper of the Sacred Word {2}{G}
Creature - Human Druid
As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
This is not a subliminal message.
2/3
Keeper of the Sacred Word {2}{G}
Creature - Human Druid
As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
This is not a subliminal message.
2/3
Land Aid '04 {G}{G}
Sorcery
Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.
Laughing Hyena {1}{G}
Creature - Hyena
Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.
"Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, 'It's getting hot in here, huh?' The other muffin says, 'Aagh! A talking muffin!'"
2/2
Laughing Hyena {1}{G}
Creature - Hyena
Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.
"Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, 'It's getting hot in here, huh?' The other muffin says, 'Aagh! A talking muffin'"
2/2
Monkey Monkey Monkey {3}{G}
Creature - Monkey
As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.
Many matches make more madcap monkey mayhem.
1/1
Monkey Monkey Monkey {3}{G}
Creature - Monkey
As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.
Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.
Many matches make more madcap monkey mayhem.
1/1
Name Dropping {1}{G}
Enchantment
Gotcha — If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.
Gemini (May 21—June 21) This week is a good time to branch out and meet others. But don't forget your roots. Avoid commitments and open flames.