Unfinity

Big Winner

Big Winner {3}{R}

Creature - Ogre Warrior Guest
Big Winner has trample as long as you control a stickered permanent.
The results of the test of strength were: Yes.
5/2
Carnival Barker

Carnival Barker {2}{R}

Creature - Dog Employee
{T}: You have thirty seconds to laud a creature you control to any people outside the game. Until end of turn, that creature gains trample and haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the number of those people who applauded. Activate only as a sorcery and only once.
3/3
Circuits Act

Circuits Act {2}{R}

Sorcery
Roll three six-sided dice. For each different result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.
Another day, another item Pietra has to add to the "do not juggle" database.
Devil K. Nevil

Devil K. Nevil {2}{R}

Legendary Creature - Devil Performer
Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)
"Danger is my middle name. Also, I don't know how to spell."
2/1
Don't Try This at Home

Don't Try This at Home {1}{R}

Enchantment
If a hot source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)
{1}{R}, Sacrifice Don't Try This at Home: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.
Eelectrocute

Eelectrocute {1}{R}

Instant
Eelectrocute deals 2 damage to any target.
You may cast Eelectrocute from your graveyard as long as you've rolled a 6 this turn. If you cast Eelectrocute this way and it would be put into your graveyard, exile it instead.
The midway's games aren't so much rigged as they are insulated and grounded.
_____ Goblin

_____ Goblin {2}{R}

Creature - Goblin Guest
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. Add {R} for each unique vowel on that sticker.
The Astrotorium has never been a place for self-restraint.
2/2
"Name Sticker" Goblin

"Name Sticker" Goblin {2}{R}

Creature - Goblin Guest
When this creature enters from anywhere other than a graveyard or exile, if it's on the battlefield and you control 9 or fewer creatures named "Name Sticker" Goblin, roll a 20-sided die.
1-6 | Add {R}{R}{R}{R}.
7-14 | Add {R}{R}{R}{R}{R}.
15-20 | Add {R}{R}{R}{R}{R}{R}.
The Astrotorium has never been a place for self-restraint.
2/2
Goblin Airbrusher

Goblin Airbrusher {1}{R}

Creature - Goblin Employee
Whenever you place a sticker, create a Treasure token. If it's an art sticker, instead create two Treasure tokens.
Once he'd worked out which end of the thing the paint came from, he was promoted to shirt duty.
2/1
Goblin Blastronauts

Goblin Blastronauts {3}{R}{R}

Creature - Goblin Employee
When Goblin Blastronauts enters, open an Attraction.
Whenever you roll a 6, you may copy the spell, ability, or Attraction visit that caused you to roll that die. You may choose new targets for the copy.
The goblins really put themselves into the fireworks show, despite Myra's pleas to stop.
5/4
Goblin Cruciverbalist

Goblin Cruciverbalist {2}{R}

Creature - Goblin Wizard Guest
Haste
When Goblin Cruciverbalist enters, create a colorless artifact token named your choice of A, E, I, O, or U.
Whenever Goblin Cruciverbalist attacks, using the first letters of the names of permanents you control, spell a word you haven't spelled this game. It gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each letter in that word.
1/4
Goblin Girder Gang

Goblin Girder Gang {3}{R}

Creature - Goblin Employee
Reach
Whenever you roll a die, if the result isn't stored on Goblin Girder Gang, you may store that result on it. When you do, Goblin Girder Gang deals 1 damage to any target without a hat.
Goblin Girder Gang gets +1/+0 for each result stored on it.
0/4
Ignacio of Myra's Marvels

Ignacio of Myra's Marvels {2}{R}{R}

Legendary Creature - Lizard Performer
As Ignacio of Myra's Marvels enters, choose armor, blood, book, bottle, fang, fire, scroll, spear, sword, or water.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen object in its art, create two Treasure tokens.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)
4/3
Juggletron

Juggletron {2}{R}

Artifact Creature - Clown Robot
Trample
Whenever Juggletron attacks, you may put an art sticker on it.
Juggletron gets +3/+0 for each item in its art that's not touching Juggletron, another item, or the card frame.
It's all fun and games until it drops a guest. Then it's a misdemeanor.
0/4
Minotaur de Force

Minotaur de Force {1}{R}

Creature - Minotaur Performer
Haste
When Minotaur de Force enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
"If I ever need a haircut, I just fall a little to the left."
2/1
Non-Human Cannonball

Non-Human Cannonball {2}{R}

Artifact Creature - Clown Robot
When Non-Human Cannonball dies, roll a six-sided die. If the result is 4 or less, Non-Human Cannonball deals that much damage to you.
Designed for maximum impact, comedic and otherwise.
4/3
Omniclown Colossus

Omniclown Colossus {8}{R}{R}

Artifact Creature - Clown Robot
Affinity for Clowns (This spell costs {1} less to cast for each Clown you control.)
Trample
7/7
Card has other part: Pie-roclasm
Pie-roclasm

Pie-roclasm {3}{R}{R}

Sorcery - Adventure
Pie-roclasm deals π damage to each non-Clown creature. (How to calculate π isn't important. It's a smidgen more than 3.)
Card has other part: Omniclown Colossus
One-Clown Band

One-Clown Band {1}{R}

Artifact Creature - Clown Robot Bard
{2}{R}: Target Robot gets +2/+0 until end of turn.
Programmed to play more than seventy instruments and only one song.
1/3
Opening Ceremony

Opening Ceremony {4}{R}{R}

Sorcery
Add {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}{C}. You may open a sealed Magic booster pack. Until end of turn, you may cast spells from among the cards in that booster pack.
"Oooooh!"
—The crowd
"Aaaaaaaaah!"
—Also the crowd
Priority Boarding

Priority Boarding {2}{R}

Enchantment
Whenever you roll a die, you may reveal the top card of your library. Do this only once each turn. Whenever you reveal a card with mana value less than the result this way, you may exile it. If you do, you may play it this turn.
The Astrotorium's express lane is practically its own ride.
Proficient Pyrodancer

Proficient Pyrodancer {2}{R}

Creature - Human Performer
When Proficient Pyrodancer enters, you may put an art sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
{2}{R}: Another target creature with an art sticker on it gets +2/+0 and gains menace until end of turn.
When she performed, she was on fire, but in a good way.
2/3
Rad Rascal

Rad Rascal {3}{R}

Creature - Devil Employee
When Rad Rascal enters, open an Attraction.
"Rent a scooter and be just like Devil K. Nevil! Just don't go faster than the speed limit. Or jump over anything. Or catch on fire. Or break every bone in your body multiple times. Other than that, just like him!"
3/3
Rock Star

Rock Star {4}{R}

Creature - Elemental Performer
Reach
When Rock Star enters, you may discard a card. If you do, reveal the top five cards of your library. Ask a person outside the game to choose which of them is most like a rock band. Put that card into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Born to, and of, rock.
4/5
Slight Malfunction

Slight Malfunction {1}{R}

Sorcery
Choose one —
• Destroy target artifact.
• Roll a six-sided die. When you do, Slight Malfunction deals 1 damage to each of up to X target creatures, where X is the result.
"Attention, valued patrons. The Tilt-o-Squirrel is now closed."
—Astrotorium public address system