Unfinity

Saw in Half

Saw in Half {2}{B}

Instant
Destroy target creature. If that creature dies this way, its controller creates two tokens that are copies of that creature, except their power is half that creature's power and their toughness is half that creature's toughness. Round up each time.
The audience always loves it, but volunteers are divided.
Scampire

Scampire {2}{B}

Creature - Vampire Employee
When Scampire enters, you get {TK}, then you may put a sticker on a creature card in your graveyard.
{3}{B}: Return target creature card with a sticker on it from your graveyard to the battlefield. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step. Activate only as a sorcery.
1/3
Scared Stiff

Scared Stiff {2}{B}

Creature - Zombie Coward Guest
Scared Stiff has menace as long you control a stickered permanent.
The horrors of Sorin's Haunted Mansion scared Hurrk half to life.
3/2
Scooch

Scooch {1}{B}

Instant
Add or subtract 1 from target creature's power, target player's life total, or target die roll's result.
Draw a card.
"What? No, that's ridiculous! Of course the rat doesn't work for the park. I've never seen it before in my life!"
—Monoxa, midway manager
Six-Sided Die

Six-Sided Die {2}{B}

Instant
Choose target creature. Roll a six-sided die.
1 — It has base toughness 1 until end of turn.
2 — Put two -1/-1 counters on it.
3 — Six-Sided Die deals 3 damage to it and you gain 3 life.
4 — It gets -4/-4 until end of turn.
5 — Destroy it.
6 — Exile it.
Soul Swindler

Soul Swindler {4}{B}

Creature - Demon Employee
As long as you've visited an Attraction this turn, Soul Swindler has indestructible.
When Soul Swindler enters, open an Attraction.
"Three tries to decide your fate! Fabulous prizes! Probably no untold torment!"
5/3
Step Right Up

Step Right Up {3}{B}

Sorcery
Open two Attractions.
"Ah, the midway, beating heart of the—well, maybe the big top is the heart. If there were two hearts then the midway—or the lungs. Lungs or stomach!"
—Captain Rex Nebula
Wolf in _____ Clothing

Wolf in _____ Clothing {3}{B}

Creature - Wolf Guest
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. When you do, up to X target creatures each get -1/-1 until end of turn, where X is the number of unique vowels on that sticker.
"And to think, I came in here looking for someone to eat."
2/3
Xenosquirrels

Xenosquirrels {1}{B}

Creature - Alien Squirrel
Xenosquirrels enters with two +1/+1 counters on it.
After you roll a die, you may remove a +1/+1 counter from Xenosquirrels. If you do, increase or decrease the result by 1.
"Hey Glaxxar, did you remember to seal the vents on the seat belt control module?"
—Truss, chief engineer
0/0
Aardwolf's Advantage

Aardwolf's Advantage {2}{R}

Sorcery
Creatures you control get +2/+0 and gain alpha strike until end of turn. (A creature with alpha strike has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)
"My Abattoir Ghoul deck is unstoppable. Wait, 1996 World Champion?"
—Johnny, to Spike
Amped Up

Amped Up {5}{R}

Sorcery
This spell costs {1} less to cast for each electrical socket in a wall or floor you can see from your seat.
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. Until end of turn, it gets +3/+0 and gains haste.
Space can be a lawless place—far from the praying eyes of electrical inspectors.
Art Appreciation

Art Appreciation {1}{R}

Sorcery
Put an art sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Then ask a person outside the game to rate its new art on a scale from 1 to 5, where 5 is the best. When they rate the art, up to that many target creatures can't block this turn.
There's no defending against public opinion.
_____ Balls of Fire

_____ Balls of Fire {3}{R}

Enchantment
When this enchantment enters, you may put a name sticker on it.
Whenever you put a sticker on this enchantment, it deals damage equal to the number of o's in name stickers on this enchantment to any target.
Employees were instructed to refer to meteor showers as "impromptu fireworks."
Big Winner

Big Winner {3}{R}

Creature - Ogre Warrior Guest
Big Winner has trample as long as you control a stickered permanent.
The results of the test of strength were: Yes.
5/2
Carnival Barker

Carnival Barker {2}{R}

Creature - Dog Employee
{T}: You have thirty seconds to laud a creature you control to any people outside the game. Until end of turn, that creature gains trample and haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the number of those people who applauded. Activate only as a sorcery and only once.
3/3
Circuits Act

Circuits Act {2}{R}

Sorcery
Roll three six-sided dice. For each different result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.
Another day, another item Pietra has to add to the "do not juggle" database.
Devil K. Nevil

Devil K. Nevil {2}{R}

Legendary Creature - Devil Performer
Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)
"Danger is my middle name. Also, I don't know how to spell."
2/1
Don't Try This at Home

Don't Try This at Home {1}{R}

Enchantment
If a hot source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)
{1}{R}, Sacrifice Don't Try This at Home: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.
Eelectrocute

Eelectrocute {1}{R}

Instant
Eelectrocute deals 2 damage to any target.
You may cast Eelectrocute from your graveyard as long as you've rolled a 6 this turn. If you cast Eelectrocute this way and it would be put into your graveyard, exile it instead.
The midway's games aren't so much rigged as they are insulated and grounded.
_____ Goblin

_____ Goblin {2}{R}

Creature - Goblin Guest
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. Add {R} for each unique vowel on that sticker.
The Astrotorium has never been a place for self-restraint.
2/2
Goblin Airbrusher

Goblin Airbrusher {1}{R}

Creature - Goblin Employee
Whenever you place a sticker, create a Treasure token. If it's an art sticker, instead create two Treasure tokens.
Once he'd worked out which end of the thing the paint came from, he was promoted to shirt duty.
2/1
Goblin Blastronauts

Goblin Blastronauts {3}{R}{R}

Creature - Goblin Employee
When Goblin Blastronauts enters, open an Attraction.
Whenever you roll a 6, you may copy the spell, ability, or Attraction visit that caused you to roll that die. You may choose new targets for the copy.
The goblins really put themselves into the fireworks show, despite Myra's pleas to stop.
5/4
Goblin Cruciverbalist

Goblin Cruciverbalist {2}{R}

Creature - Goblin Wizard Guest
Haste
When Goblin Cruciverbalist enters, create a colorless artifact token named your choice of A, E, I, O, or U.
Whenever Goblin Cruciverbalist attacks, using the first letters of the names of permanents you control, spell a word you haven't spelled this game. It gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each letter in that word.
1/4
Goblin Girder Gang

Goblin Girder Gang {3}{R}

Creature - Goblin Employee
Reach
Whenever you roll a die, if the result isn't stored on Goblin Girder Gang, you may store that result on it. When you do, Goblin Girder Gang deals 1 damage to any target without a hat.
Goblin Girder Gang gets +1/+0 for each result stored on it.
0/4
Ignacio of Myra's Marvels

Ignacio of Myra's Marvels {2}{R}{R}

Legendary Creature - Lizard Performer
As Ignacio of Myra's Marvels enters, choose armor, blood, book, bottle, fang, fire, scroll, spear, sword, or water.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen object in its art, create two Treasure tokens.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)
4/3