mtg.wtf

I — Search your library for a card, exile it face down, then shuffle.
II — Turn the exiled card face up. If it's a creature card, you lose life equal to its mana value.
III — You may put the exiled card onto the battlefield if it's a creature card. If you don't put it onto the battlefield, put it into its owner's hand.

Read ahead
I — Target opponent reveals their hand. You choose a creature or planeswalker card from it. That player discards that card.
II — Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle. You lose 3 life.
III — Put target creature card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control.

{2}, {T}: Roll a d20 and subtract the number of cards in your hand. If the result is 0 or less, discard your hand.
1—9 | Return a card at random from your graveyard to your hand.
10—19 | Draw two cards.
20 | Put a creature card from any graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. When that creature dies, its owner loses the game.

Whenever The Disciple of Vess attacks, you may put a planeswalker card from your hand onto the battlefield. If you don't, create a token that's a copy of a Liliana planeswalker chosen at random.
(There are currently thirteen. Perhaps look up the list and roll a D20?)

Destroy any number of target planeswalkers. Choose a planeswalker you control. Put two loyalty counters on it for each planeswalker destroyed this way.

I — Each opponent sacrifices a creature or planeswalker of their choice.
II — Each opponent discards a card.
III — Put target creature or planeswalker card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control.

This spell costs {2} less to cast if your life total is 5 or less.
Exile target creature or planeswalker. Search its controller's graveyard, hand, and library for any number of cards with the same name as that permanent and exile them. That player shuffles, then draws a card for each card exiled from their hand this way.

At the beginning of your upkeep, The Fallen deals 1 damage to each opponent and planeswalker it has dealt damage to this game.

The Fallen Apart enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

{T}: Put an oil counter on The Filigree Sylex.
{T}, Sacrifice The Filigree Sylex: Destroy each nonland permanent with mana value equal to the number of oil counters on The Filigree Sylex.
{T}, Remove ten oil counters from among permanents you control and sacrifice The Filigree Sylex: It deals 10 damage to any target.

Arcane Life-support — If you would lose the game, instead exile The Golden Throne and your life total becomes 1.
A Thousand Souls Die Every Day — {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Add three mana in any combination of colors.

{T}: Surveil 1.
{T}: Until end of turn, each creature card in your graveyard gains "Escape—{3}{B}, Exile four other cards from your graveyard."

Ew-minance — When The Gunky Runner enters and at the beginning of the first upkeep in a game where it's your commander, shuffle three Gunk cards into each opponent's library. (Gunk is a colorless sorcery card with no mana cost and cycling {4}.)
Whenever an opponent loses life, they shuffle that many Gunk cards into their library.
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

Flying, lifelink
Whenever The Haunt of Hightower attacks, defending player discards a card.
Whenever a card is put into an opponent's graveyard from anywhere, put a +1/+1 counter on The Haunt of Hightower.

{5}, {T}: Create a 1/1 colorless Insect artifact creature token with flying named Wasp.

When The Hourglass Coven enters the battlefield, draft a card from The Hourglass Coven's spellbook twice, then put those cards onto the battlefield.
Other Warlocks you control get +1/+1.

Players can't activate planeswalkers' loyalty abilities.
At the beginning of your draw step, draw an additional card.
Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
Creatures you control get +1/+1.

{T}: Add {C}.
Whenever a legendary creature you control enters, you may have The Irencrag become a legendary Equipment artifact named Everflame, Heroes' Legacy. If you do, it gains equip {3} and "Equipped creature gets +3/+3" and loses all other abilities.

Creatures you control get +1/+0 and have "At the beginning of your upkeep, this creature deals 1 damage to you."

At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life and draw a card. Then, double the amount of life you lose and cards you draw for the rest of the game from this ability. (This is true even if this leaves the battlefield and returns.)

I, II — Each opponent sacrifices a creature of their choice unless they discard a card.
III — Exile this Saga, then return it to the battlefield transformed under your control.

When The Magic Bandit deals combat damage to an opponent, exile the top card of that player's library. You may cast that card for as long as it remains exiled, and mana of any type can be spent to cast that spell.
Whenever you cast a spell or play a land you don't own, copy it.

Whenever you cast a multicolored spell, create a tapped Powerstone token.
{X}{X}{X}, {T}: Look at the top X cards of your library. Put up to two of them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

I — Exile up to one target Saga card from a graveyard. Copy its chapter I ability.
II — Exile up to one target Saga card from a graveyard. Copy its chapter II ability.
III — Exile up to one target Saga card from a graveyard. Copy its chapter III ability.

When The Meathook Massacre enters, each creature gets -X/-X until end of turn.
Whenever a creature you control dies, each opponent loses 1 life.
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, you gain 1 life.