mtg.wtf

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

When "Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster enters the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on each other creature you control that has a hat.
"Brims" Barone, Midway Mobster has menace as long as you're wearing a hat.

"Lifetime" Pass Holder enters the battlefield tapped.
When "Lifetime" Pass Holder dies, open an Attraction.
Whenever you roll to visit your Attractions, if you roll a 6, you may return "Lifetime" Pass Holder from your graveyard to the battlefield.

{3}{B}, Exile a permanent you control with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark: Return a permanent card with a League of Dastardly Doom watermark from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Cannot be the target of spells or effects. World Champion has power and toughness equal to the life total of target opponent.
{0}: Discard your hand to search your library for 1996 World Champion and reveal it to all players. Shuffle your library and put 1996 World Champion on top of it. Use this ability only at the beginning of your upkeep, and only if 1996 World Champion is in your library.

When you set this scheme in motion, until your next turn, whenever a player taps a land for mana, that player adds one mana of any type that land produced.

I — Conjure a card named Gilded Goose onto the battlefield.
II, III — You may tap an untapped Bird you control and sacrifice an artifact. If you do, conjure a card named Golden Egg onto the battlefield.

Tap up to two target creatures.
Whenever you put a name sticker on a creature, you may return A Good Day to Pie from your graveyard to your hand.

Spells and abilities you control can't destroy, exile, target, or cause you to sacrifice A Good Thing.
At the beginning of your upkeep, double your life total. Then, if you have 1,000 or more life, you lose the game.

As long as one or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it gets +2/+2.
As long as two or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has menace.
As long as three or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has lifelink.

When you set this scheme in motion, look at the top six cards of your library. You may put a creature card from among them onto the battlefield. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Creatures you control get +2/+0 and gain alpha strike until end of turn. (A creature with alpha strike has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)

{W}, {T}: Abbey Matron gets +0/+3 until end of turn.

When Abdel Adrian, Gorion's Ward enters the battlefield, exile any number of other nonland permanents you control until Abdel Adrian leaves the battlefield. Create a 1/1 white Soldier creature token for each permanent exiled this way.
Choose a Background

As Abian, Luvion Usurper enters the battlefield, you become Abian. (Your life total becomes equal to their loyalty. You can activate the loyalty abilities by spending or gaining life.)
[+3]: Discard your hand, then draw cards equal to the greatest power among creatures you control.
[+1]: Create a 3/2 red and green Spirit creature token.
[–X]: You deal X damage to any target.

Whenever Abomination blocks or becomes blocked by a green or white creature, destroy that creature at end of combat.

Counter target spell. Cards in your hand that share a card type with that spell perpetually gain "This spell costs {1} less to cast."

Whenever you cast a spell, note the first letter of its artist's name. If that letter wasn't already noted, put a +1/+1 counter on Abstract Iguanart.

Whenever Abyssal Nightstalker attacks and isn't blocked, defending player discards a card.

At the beginning of your end step, if you have no cards in hand, draw seven cards.
Whenever chaos ensues, discard your hand.

Whenever you crank Accessories to Murder, target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures you control.

Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, Accident-Prone Apprentice perpetually gets +1/+1. This ability also triggers if Accident-Prone Apprentice is in exile.

Equipped creature gets +3/+0.
As long as equipped creature is attacking, it has first strike and must be blocked by a Dalek if able.
Equip legendary creature {1}
Equip {3}

Nitro-9 — Whenever Ace, Fearless Rebel attacks, you may sacrifice an artifact. When you do, put a +1/+1 counter on Ace, Fearless Rebel, then it fights up to one target creature defending player controls.
Doctor's companion