mtg.wtf

When Outfitted Jouster enters, conjure a card named Steelclaw Lance and a card named Brawler's Plate onto the battlefield and attach them to Outfitted Jouster.
If damage would be dealt to Outfitted Jouster while it's equipped, prevent that damage. When damage is prevented this way, sacrifice an Equipment attached to Outfitted Jouster.

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)
Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Players can't gain life.
Celebration — At the beginning of your end step, create a Food token. If two or more nonland permanents entered under your control this turn, instead conjure a card named Food Fight onto the battlefield.

Menace
Whenever Overt Operative deals combat damage to a player, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Mama's Coming — Whenever Owlbear Cub attacks a player who controls eight or more lands, look at the top eight cards of your library. You may put a creature card from among them onto the battlefield tapped and attacking that player. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

Oyaminartok, Polar Werebear has hexproof if it hasn't dealt damage yet.
Whenever Oyaminartok deals combat damage to a player, create a Food token.
{U}, Sacrifice a Food: Draft a card from Oyaminartok's spellbook. When you do, add {U}{U}{U}. Spend this mana only to cast blue creature spells.

Ozox, the Clattering King can't block.
When Ozox dies, create Jumblebones, a legendary 2/1 black Skeleton creature token with "This creature can't block" and "When this creature leaves the battlefield, return target card named Ozox, the Clattering King from your graveyard to your hand."

As long as Pact Weapon is attached to a creature, you don't lose the game for having 0 or less life.
Whenever equipped creature attacks, draw a card and reveal it. The creature gets +X/+X until end of turn and you lose X life, where X is that card's mana value.
Equip—Discard a card.

Draw two cards, then nonland cards in your hand with mana value 3 or less perpetually gain "When you cast this spell, you lose 1 life."

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Islandwalk

When one or more creatures you control deal combat damage to a player, if there is no monarch, you become the monarch.
Whenever chaos ensues, create a 1/1 black Assassin creature token with deathtouch and haste.

Draft Paliano Vanguard face up.
As you draft a creature card, you may reveal it, note its creature types, then turn Paliano Vanguard face down.
Other creatures you control of a type you noted for cards named Paliano Vanguard get +1/+1.

Reveal Paliano, the High City as you draft it. The player to your right chooses a color, you choose another color, then the player to your left chooses a third color.
{T}: Add one mana of any color chosen as you drafted cards named Paliano, the High City.

{3}, {T}: Choose a random summon card from all players' decks. For each player, flip a coin. If the flip ends up heads, put a token creature into play and treat it as though an exact copy of the chosen summon card were just played.

Library ninjutsu {1}{U} ({1}{U}, Shuffle an unblocked attacker you control into its owner's library: Put this card onto the battlefield from your library tapped and attacking. Activate only while searching your library.)
Whenever Panglacial Shinobi deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.

When you planeswalk to Panopticon, draw a card.
At the beginning of your draw step, draw an additional card.
Whenever chaos ensues, draw a card.

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Flying
{3}: Paragon of Modernity gets +1/+1 until end of turn. If exactly three colors of mana were spent to activate this ability, put a +1/+1 counter on it instead.

Whenever another creature you own enters, you get {TK}.
{W}, {T}: You may put a sticker on a creature you own that entered this turn.

{1}, Sacrifice Park Map: Search your library for a land card that doesn't have the same art as a permanent you control, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Return up to two target creature cards that each have a hat and/or mana value 3 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Whenever you or a permanent you control becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter that spell or ability unless that player pays 4 life.
Whenever you copy a spell, up to one target opponent may also copy that spell. They may choose new targets for that copy.

X target creatures gain islandwalk until end of turn.