mtg.wtf

First strike, protection from black borders (Nothing with a black border can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

First strike, protection from even collector numbers (Nothing with an even collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

First strike, protection from loose lips (Nothing with an open mouth in its artwork can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

First strike, protection from odd collector numbers (Nothing with an odd collector number can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

First strike, protection from watermarks (Nothing with a watermark can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

Vigilance
Knight of the Widget's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Order of the Widget watermarks among permanents you control.

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you a roll a 1, sacrifice Krazy Kow and it deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

Enchant creature
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies. The copies enter the battlefield as tokens.)
Enchanted creature gets +1/+0 and has vigilance.

When this creature enters the battlefield, return target host card or card with augment from your graveyard to your hand.

Whenever you crank Lackey Recycler, put target creature card from your graveyard on top of your library.

Flying
Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

You draw cards from the bottom of your library instead of the top of your library.

Each player discards a card, then loses 1 life, then sacrifices an artifact, a creature, an enchantment, a land, a planeswalker, and a tribal permanent, then exiles a card from their graveyard, then puts the top card of their library into their graveyard, then removes a counter from a permanent they control, then gets a poison counter.

Equipped creature gets +1/+2 and has deathtouch.
Equip {2}

Ask target opponent if they remembered to get you a present. If they say yes, they put a card they own from outside the game into your hand. Otherwise, you gain control of target permanent they control.

Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Motivate {3}{R} (This creature can't attack or block unless you have paid its motivate cost once. Motivate only as a sorcery.)
When Lazier Goblin enters the battlefield, it deals 2 damage to any target.

Choose two letters. Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control whose name begins with the either of the chosen letters.

As long as you have a maximum hand size other than 7, Learned Learner has "{T}: Draw a card."

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Whenever Lexivore deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than Lexivore with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)