mtg.wtf

The Beleaguered Boxer can't be your Commander unless your deck is 100 cards and originally built out of no more than 36 booster packs, plus basic lands.
When The Beleaguered Boxer enters the battlefield, open a Magic booster pack. Remove up to three cards in your hand or graveyard from your deck permanently. For each card removed this way, add a card from that pack to your hand. Those cards are now permanently part of your deck.

Whenever you cast a signed spell or play a signed land, copy it. (A signed card is a card signed by its artist, designer, or someone else it's strongly associated with.)
Discard a signed card: Destroy target creature with a name that has a five or fewer letter length difference from the person who signed the discarded card.

Whenever The Crab Queen attacks, create a token that's a copy of one of the following at random: Skitter Eel; Skittering Crustacean; Ruin Crab; Charix, the Raging Isle; Scuttletide; or Heartstone.

Affinity for artifacts
When The Crafter enters the battlefield, create two colorless scrap artifact tokens. (They have no abilities.)
{T}, Sacrifice an artifact: Create an equipment token named Bling with "Equipped creature gets +1/+0" and "Equip {1}."

Flash
When The Crimson Avenger enters the battlefield, choose target spell an opponent controls. Reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card that shares a mana value with it. Cast that card without paying its mana cost. Then shuffle your library.

Creatures you control get +X/+0, where X is the greatest number of consecutive nonland, nontoken permanents in a mana curve you control. (For example, if you have permanents with mana value 3, 4, and 5, creatures you control get+3/+0. If you're missing 4, they only get +1/+0.)

Whenever The Disciple of Vess attacks, you may put a planeswalker card from your hand onto the battlefield. If you don't, create a token that's a copy of a Liliana planeswalker chosen at random.
(There are currently thirteen. Perhaps look up the list and roll a D20?)

Flying
Whenever The Dogronmaster or another Dragon or Dog enters the battlefield under your control, create a token that's a copy of the card Armadillo Cloak and attach it to that creature.

When The Duke of Midrange enters the battlefield, choose one of Thoughtseize, Lightning Bolt, or Abrupt Decay. Cast a copy of the chosen card.
The Duke of Midrange's power is equal to the number of card types among cards in all graveyards, and its toughness is equal to that number plus 1.

When The Fish Brewer enters the battlefield or attacks, create a 1/1 Fish creature token that's all colors.
If another permanent entering the battlefield causes a triggered ability of a permanent you control to trigger, tap any number of Fish you control. That ability triggers an additional time for each Fish tapped this way.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life and draw a card. Then, double the amount of life you lose and cards you draw for the rest of the game from this ability. (This is true even if this leaves the battlefield and returns.)

When The Keeper of Favorite Cards enters the battlefield or attacks, name a nonland card and write it on your favorites list for this game. (You can have limitless favorites.)
Your favorite creatures get +1/+0.
Whenever you cast a favorite noncreature spell, create a 1/1 white Soldier creature token.

Partner with Knight (You may select any legendary Knight to be this creature's partner. It doesn't have to have Partner. You don't search for a Knight when this enters the battlefield.)
Knights you control have haste and "At the beginning of your end step, if you didn't play a land this turn, you may discard a card, then draw a card."

Lifelink, vigilance, first strike
At the beginning of your combat step and whenever another Knight enters the battlefield under your control, put a day counter on The Knight of Weeks.
The Knight of Weeks gets +7/+7 for every seven day counters on it.

At the beginning of your upkeep, put a random card from outside the game into your hand. (In Commander sealed, that's everything you didn't play with. In any other commander game, find a way to select a random Magic card.)
{T}: Add {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}. This mana can't be spent to pay generic mana costs.

If The Rhystic Storyteller is your Commander, your deck can't use sleeves.
Whenever you cast a spell with ten or more words of flavor text, draw a card unless an opponent pays {1}.

Whenever The Roaring Toeclaws or another creature you control with mana value five or greater becomes untapped, put +1/+1 counters on it equal to its power.

Other Merfolk you control get +1/+1.
When The Scholar of Seas enters the battlefield, choose one of the following cards at random and create a token that's a copy of it:
• Judge of Currents
• Merrow Reejerey
• Lord of Atlantis
• Merfolk Sovereign
• Sygg, River Guide
• Kumena, Tyrant of Orazca

The Spike Cactus enters the battlefield with +1/+1 counters on it equal to the amount of mana spent to cast it.
{2}, Remove a +1/+1 counter from The Spike Cactus: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

Whenever The Sprinkler of Stardust attacks, look at the top six cards of your library. You may put an instant or sorcery card from among them onto the battlefield tapped and attacking. It becomes a 2/2 creature with "Whenever this deals combat damage to an opponent, cast a copy of this card." (The 2/2 creature stays on the battlefield.) Put the rest of the cards on the bottom of your library in a random order.

When The Value Knight enters the battlefield, create Syr Acha, a 1/1 legendary red artifact creature Food Knight token with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life. Until end of turn, if you would draw a card, draw two cards instead."
Whenever you draw a card, put a +1/+1 counter on The Value Knight.

When you cast The Water Maro, create a token that's a copy of it, except the copy isn't legendary.
The Water Maro's power and toughness are each equal to the number of permanents you control that are tokens and/or have the word "Maro" in the name.

When you planeswalk here, at the beginning of your upkeep, or whenever chaos ensues, put a flying counter on target creature you control without flying.
When you planeswalk away, exile all creatures with flying until the beginning of the next end step.

When Trash Panda enters the battlefield, exile target opponent's graveyard. Create a Food token for each creature card exiled this way.
When Trash Panda dies, put it into target opponent's graveyard.
Opponent dredge 4 (If an opponent would draw a card, instead you may have them mill exactly four cards and put this card into their hand from their graveyard.)

When you encounter this, Each player opens a Magic the Gathering booster pack. They may select up to two cards from that pack and exile them face down. For the rest of the game, players may look at and play cards exiled this way without paying their mana costs. (Then Planeswalk away from this phenomenon.)