mtg.wtf

Whenever you crank Deadly Poison Sampler, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, destroy target creature that player controls."

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Whenever an Employee enters under your control, put a loyalty counter on Deb Thomas.
[+1]: Create a 1/1 red Employee creature token.
[–X]: Employees and Dogs you control get +X/+0 until end of turn.

Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Whenever Decorated Knight attacks, draw a card from your original deck if it's outside the game.

Suspend 2—{2} (Deep Dish Pizza has no mana cost and must be suspended.)
{2}, Sacrifice Deep Dish Pizza: Gain 3 life, draw three cards, and Deep Dish Pizza deals 3 damage to each opponent.

Defective Detective can't be blocked.
When Defective Detective enters, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Positioning (As this creature enters, lock your creatures in order from left to right for as long as you control a creature with positioning. Each time a creature enters or comes under your control, position it to the left or right of another creature you control.)
Adjacent creatures to the left and right of Defender of the Queue get +1/+1 and have vigilance.

Spells you cast cost {3} less to cast if they were originally printed in the following expansions or associated commander decks, depending on who won the Unknown event on February 18th, 2023:
Mirran Victory — Mirrodin, Darksteel, Fifth Dawn, and Scars of Mirrodin.
Phyrexian Victory — Mirrodin Besieged, New Phyrexia, All Will be One, and March of the Machine.

Delve (Each card you exile from your graveyard while casting this spell pays for {1}.)
Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn. If X was 7 or greater, create a 7/7 black and red Demon creature token.

You can't cast Demon Detective unless all of your commanders have been revealed.
Flying

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Whenever a Minotaur attacks this turn, it gains first strike until end of turn and must be blocked this turn if able.

Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)

Split second
Create four 4/4 red Devil creature tokens with haste and "When this creature dies, create a colorless Treasure artifact token with '{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.'" Sacrifice the Devil tokens at the beginning of the next end step.

Whenever you crank Dictation Quillograph, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card."

When this creature enters, target opponent discards a card.

Destroy target creature. That creature's controller loses 1 life for each unique vowel in the creature's name. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Commanders you own have disguise. Their disguise cost is equal to their mana cost.

Players can't cast spells until the Hydra's next turn.

Whenever you crank Dispatch Dispensary, create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.

Each player may sacrifice a creature. Each player who sacrificed a creature this way chooses a Head and taps it. Each player who didn't sacrifice a creature loses 3 life.

Whenever you crank Division Table, target player loses 2 life.