Unhinged

Richard Garfield, Ph.D.

Richard Garfield, Ph.D. {3}{U}{U}

Legendary Creature - Human Designer
You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)
And yea he doth spake: "Let there be Magic."
2/2
Smart Ass

Smart Ass {2}{U}

Creature - Donkey Wizard
Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.
"I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody like me?"
2½/1
Spell Counter

Spell Counter {2}{U}{U}

Instant
Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.
Playing Unhinged, . . .
Topsy Turvy

Topsy Turvy {2}{U}

Enchantment
The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, postcombat main, combat, precombat main, and beginning.)
As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.
"Here on going is heck the what?"
Aesthetic Consultation

Aesthetic Consultation {B}

Instant
Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.
Aesthetic Consultation

Aesthetic Consultation {B}

Instant
Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.
Bad Ass

Bad Ass {2}{B}{B}

Creature - Donkey Zombie
{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.
He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.
3½/1
Bad Ass

Bad Ass {2}{B}{B}

Creature - Donkey Zombie
{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.
He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.
3½/1
Bloodletter

Bloodletter {2}{B}

Creature - Zombie
When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.
"That's not really an A. It's an Ae. They changed it! Wait, don't—"
—Hœbrus Vaem, Aerathi librarian, last words
2/3
Booster Tutor

Booster Tutor {B}

Instant
Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)
Real men use Arabian Nights boosters.
Duh

Duh {B}

Instant
Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)
Will players understand that the creature is being crushed by two parentheses? Not a chance.
Enter the Dungeon

Enter the Dungeon {B}{B}

Sorcery
Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.
Eye to Eye

Eye to Eye {2}{B}

Instant
You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.
True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.
The Fallen Apart

The Fallen Apart {2}{B}{B}

Creature - Zombie
The Fallen Apart enters the battlefield with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.
The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.
4/4
Farewell to Arms

Farewell to Arms {1}{B}{B}

Enchantment
As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)
Farewell to Arms

Farewell to Arms {1}{B}{B}

Enchantment
As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)
Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil

Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil {8}{B}{B}

Creature - Demon Child
Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.
8/8
Kill! Destroy!

Kill! Destroy! {1}{B}{B}

Instant
Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.
Getting "Gotcha'ed" again and again.
Mother of Goons

Mother of Goons {2}{B}

Creature - Human Cleric
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.
"Word to me."
3/2
Necro-Impotence

Necro-Impotence {B}{B}{B}

Enchantment
Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.
Persecute Artist

Persecute Artist {1}{B}{B}

Sorcery
Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.
The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca's fans.
Phyrexian Librarian

Phyrexian Librarian {3}{B}

Creature - Phyrexian Horror
Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.
3/3
Stop That

Stop That {B}

Instant
Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.
Now for a squirt of lemon juice.
Tainted Monkey

Tainted Monkey {1}{B}

Creature - Monkey
{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.
"C'mon, choose 'monkey.' Everybody loves monkeys!"
1/1
Vile Bile

Vile Bile {1}{B}

Creature - Ooze
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.
2½/2½