Unglued

Spark Fiend

Spark Fiend {4}{R}

Creature - Beast
When Spark Fiend enters the battlefield, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 2, 3, or 12, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you rolled 7 or 11, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. If you rolled any other total, note that total.
At the beginning of your upkeep, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 7, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you roll the noted total, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. Otherwise, do nothing.
5/6
Strategy, Schmategy

Strategy, Schmategy {1}{R}

Sorcery
Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.
1 — Do nothing.
2 — Destroy all artifacts.
3 — Destroy all lands.
4 — Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.
5 — Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.
6 — Repeat this process two more times.
The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service {X}{Y}{Z}{R}{R}

Sorcery
The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.
The number printed on the card is no longer in service. For help, go to wizards.custhelp.com or find us on Twitter @Wizards_Help.
Cardboard Carapace

Cardboard Carapace {5}{G}

Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
For each other card named Cardboard Carapace you have with you outside the game, enchanted creature gets +1/+1.
. . . that exciting . . . about . . .
Double Play

Double Play {3}{G}{G}

Sorcery
Choose another player. Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.
The wizard exclaimed, "I'm no chicken . . . ."
Elvish Impersonators

Elvish Impersonators {3}{G}

Creature - Elves
As Elvish Impersonators enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.
"Uh-hunh."
*/*
Flock of Rabid Sheep

Flock of Rabid Sheep {X}{G}{G}

Sorcery
Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.
And their bleating was like a wet salmon slapped upon the land—slap! slap! slap!
Free-Range Chicken

Free-Range Chicken {3}{G}

Creature - Bird
{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, Free-Range Chicken gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)
3/3
Gerrymandering

Gerrymandering {2}{G}

Sorcery
Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.
Ghazbán Ogress

Ghazbán Ogress {G}

Creature - Ogre
When Ghazbán Ogress enters the battlefield, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.
2/2
Growth Spurt

Growth Spurt {1}{G}

Instant
Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
MORE TO LOVE: Friendly, nature-loving, Bunyonesque SEM seeks SEF looking for a huge commitment. . . . seeks atog prince
Gus

Gus {2}{G}

Creature - Gus
Gus enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.
"Now I lay me down to sleep—
What are you starin' at?"
2/2
Hungry Hungry Heifer

Hungry Hungry Heifer {2}{G}

Creature - Cow
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may remove a counter from a permanent you control. If you don't, sacrifice Hungry Hungry Heifer.
Mooo.
3/3
Incoming!

Incoming! {4}{G}{G}{G}{G}

Sorcery
Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.
Mine, Mine, Mine!

Mine, Mine, Mine! {4}{G}{G}

Enchantment
When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters the battlefield, each player puts their library into their hand.
Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.
Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.
When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.
Squirrel Farm

Squirrel Farm {2}{G}

Enchantment
{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.
"And the ignorant shall fall to the squirrels."
—Chip 2:54
Team Spirit

Team Spirit {2}{G}

Instant
Creatures target player's team controls get +1/+1 until end of turn.
Due to some late-night partying, the chicken missed the group photo.
Timmy, Power Gamer

Timmy, Power Gamer {2}{G}{G}

Legendary Creature - Human Gamer
{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.
"Just wait till I get my Leviathan . . . ."
1/1
Ashnod's Coupon

Ashnod's Coupon {0}

Artifact
{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.
Limited time offer. Void where prohibited. Limit one per purchase. Valid only in participating duels. This coupon is nontransferable and invalid if shattered, crumbled, detonated, pillaged, or otherwise disenchanted. Cash value less than 1/20 of a cent. Offer not valid in Quebec, Rhode Island, or where prohibited by law or the DCI.
Blacker Lotus

Blacker Lotus {0}

Artifact
{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.
Bronze Calendar

Bronze Calendar {4}

Artifact
Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.
Every page holds a month, every date a numeral.
Chaos Confetti

Chaos Confetti {4}

Artifact
{4}, {T}: Tear Chaos Confetti into pieces. Throw the pieces onto the battlefield from a distance of at least five feet. Destroy each permanent that a piece touches. Remove the pieces from the game.
And you thought that was just an urban legend.
Clay Pigeon

Clay Pigeon {3}

Artifact Creature - Bird
Flying
{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.
1/1
Giant Fan

Giant Fan {4}

Artifact
{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.
Only a villain would unleash a giant fan on anyone!
Jack-in-the-Mox

Jack-in-the-Mox {0}

Artifact
{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 — Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.
2 — Add {W}.
3 — Add {U}.
4 — Add {B}.
5 — Add {R}.
6 — Add {G}.