239 cards found
"Ach! Hans, Run!"

"Ach! Hans, Run!" {2}{r}{r}{g}{g}

Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and name a creature card. If you do, search your library for the named card, put it into play, then shuffle your library. That creature has haste. Remove it from the game at end of turn.
  • Unhinged
1996 World Champion

1996 World Champion {w}{u}{b}{r}{g}

Creature - Legend
Cannot be the targets of spells or effects. World Champion has power and toughness equal to the life totals of target opponent. {0}: Discard your hand to search your library for 1996 World Champion and reveal it to all players. Shuffle your library and put 1996 World Champion on top of it. Use this ability only at the beginning of your upkeep, and only if 1996 World Champion is in your library.
It takes great sacrifice to make it to the top.
*/*
  • Celebration
AWOL

AWOL {2}{w}

Instant
Remove target attacking creature from the game. Then remove it from the removed-from-game zone and put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.
  • Unhinged
Aesthetic Consultation

Aesthetic Consultation {b}

Instant
Name an artist. Remove the top six cards of your library from the game, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card by the named artist. Put that card in your hand, then remove all the other cards revealed this way from the game.
  • Unhinged
Ambiguity

Ambiguity {2}{u}{u}

Enchantment
Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.
  • Unhinged
Artful Looter

Artful Looter {2}{u}

Creature - Human Wizard
{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent comes into play that shares an artist with another permanent you control, untap Artful Looter.
PRICELESS PIC PILFERED
Painting Found Abandoned in Graveyard
Merfolk Decry Wizards' Treatment
1/2
  • Unhinged
Ashnod's Coupon

Ashnod's Coupon {0}

Artifact
{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink.
Errata: You pay any costs for the drink.
Limited time offer. Void where prohibited. Limit one per purchase. Valid only in participating duels. This coupon is nontransferable and invalid if shattered, crumbled, detonated, pillaged, or otherwise disenchanted. Cash value less than 1/20 of a cent. Offer not valid in Quebec, Rhode Island, or where prohibited by law or the DCI.
Ass Whuppin'

Ass Whuppin' {1}{w}{b}

Sorcery
Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.
Asses to ashes,
Donkeys to dust.
Assquatch

Assquatch {4}{r}

Creature - Donkey Lord
Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey comes into play, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.
Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?
3.5/3.5
  • Unhinged
Atinlay Igpay

Atinlay Igpay {5}{w}

Eaturecray - Igpay
Oubleday ikestray
Eneverwhay Atinlay Igpay's ontrollercay eaksspay ay onnay-Igpay-Atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.
Isthay iecepay ofay avorflay exttay oesn'tday eallyray aysay anythingay.
3/3
  • Unhinged
Avatar of Me

Avatar of Me {2}{u}{u}

Creature - Avatar
Avatar of Me costs {1} more to play for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me's color is the color of your eyes.
*/*
  • Unhinged
B-I-N-G-O

B-I-N-G-O {1}{g}

Creature - Hound
Trample
Whenever a player plays a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
There was a farmer, had a hound . . .
1/1
  • Unhinged
B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)

B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster) {b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}{b}

Creature - The-Biggest-Baddest-Nastiest-Scariest-Creature-You'll-Ever-See
You must play both B.F.M. cards to put B.F.M. into play. If either B.F.M. card leaves play, sacrifice the other.
B.F.M. can be blocked only by three or more creatures.
"It was big. Really, really big. No, bigger than that. Even bigger. Keep going. More. No, more. Look, we're talking krakens and dreadnoughts for jewelry. It was big"
-Arna Kennerd, skyknight
99/99
  • Unglued 28 29
Bad Ass

Bad Ass {2}{b}{b}

Creature - Donkey Zombie
{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.
He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.
3.5/1
  • Unhinged
Blacker Lotus

Blacker Lotus {0}

Artifact
{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color to your mana pool. Play this ability as a mana source. Remove the pieces from the game afterwards.
  • Unglued
Blast from the Past

Blast from the Past {2}{r}

Instant
Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to target creature or player.
If the kicker cost was paid, put a 1/1 red Goblin creature token into play.
  • Unhinged
Bloodletter

Bloodletter {2}{b}

Creature - Zombie
When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.
"That's not an A, it's an Æ. Wait, don't—"
—Hœbrus Væm, Ærathi librarian, last words
2/3
  • Unhinged
Booster Tutor

Booster Tutor {b}

Instant
Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)
Make your judgment wisely: The right pack will let you defeat your nemesis, but a poor choice can only end in torment. And Homelands.
Bosom Buddy

Bosom Buddy {3}{w}

Creature - Elephant Townsfolk
Whenever you play a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.
"Step 1: I believe in a power and toughness greater than myself . . . ."
1/4
  • Unhinged
Bronze Calendar

Bronze Calendar {4}

Artifact
Your spells cost {1} less to play as long as you speak in a voice other than your normal voice.
If you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.
Every page holds a month, every date a numeral.
  • Unglued
Brushstroke Paintermage

Brushstroke Paintermage {3}{u}

Creature - Human Wizard
{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.
He gives credit where credit isn't due.
2/3
  • Unhinged
Bureaucracy

Bureaucracy {3}{u}{u}

Enchantment
Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, during the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.
If any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice Bureaucracy and said PLAYER discards his or her complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").
  • Unglued
Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire

Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire {3}{r}

Enchantment
Whenever any player taps a card, that player gives control of that card to an opponent at end of turn.
If a player does not tap any nonland cards during his or her turn, Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire deals 3 damage to that player at end of turn.
  • Unglued
Bursting Beebles

Bursting Beebles {2}{u}

Creature - Beeble
Bursting Beebles is unblockable as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.
Like thousands of others, the beebles quit Magic for several years following the release of the Mercadian Masques set.
2/2
  • Unhinged
Cardboard Carapace

Cardboard Carapace {5}{g}

Enchant Creature
For each other Cardboard Carapace card you have with you, enchanted creature gets +1/+1.
Errata: This does not count any Cardboard Carapace cards in play that you control or in your graveyard, hand, or library.
. . . that exciting . . . about . . .
  • Unglued