mtg.wtf

Visit — Throw a card you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of three feet (about one meter). If that card touches Dart Throw, claim the prize!
Prize — Create two 2/2 pink Teddy Bear creature tokens. Sacrifice Dart Throw, then open an Attraction.

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Whenever you crank Deadly Poison Sampler, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, destroy target creature that player controls."

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Whenever an Employee enters the battlefield under your control, put a loyalty counter on Deb Thomas.
[+1]: Create a 1/1 red Employee creature token.
[–X]: Employees and Dogs you control get +X/+0 until end of turn.

Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Whenever Decorated Knight attacks, draw a card from your original deck if it's outside the game.

Defective Detective can't be blocked.
When Defective Detective enters the battlefield, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Whenever a Minotaur attacks this turn, it gains first strike until end of turn and must be blocked this turn if able.

Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters the battlefield, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)

Split second
Create four 4/4 red Devil creature tokens with haste and "When this creature dies, create a colorless Treasure artifact token with '{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.'" Sacrifice the Devil tokens at the beginning of the next end step.

Whenever you crank Dictation Quillograph, until end of turn, target creature gains "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card."

When this creature enters the battlefield, target opponent discards a card.

Destroy target creature. That creature's controller loses 1 life for each unique vowel in the creature's name. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)

Players can't cast spells until the Hydra's next turn.

Whenever you crank Dispatch Dispensary, create a 2/2 black Rogue creature token with menace.

Each player may sacrifice a creature. Each player who sacrificed a creature this way chooses a Head and taps it. Each player who didn't sacrifice a creature loses 3 life.

Whenever you crank Division Table, target player loses 2 life.

Flying
Whenever Do-It-Yourself Seraph attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.
Do-It-Yourself Seraph has the text box of each card exiled with Do-It-Yourself Seraph in addition to its own.

Restart the turn, except with Do-Over in exile. (First, return all cards to where they were as the turn began. For information from hidden zones like the hand, reconstruct as best you can, and do the rest at random.)

Whenever you crank Dogsnail Engine, target player gains life equal to the greatest power among creatures you control.

Domesticated Mammoth enters the battlefield with a token copy of Pacifism attached to it.